Sunset at Rodeo beach

有些话，覆水不可收，宜深思之

There are times when you say things you know you ought not to say. Once it comes out from your mouth, the damage is done. There is no way to reverse it. Only a time machine can do that. The only way is to seek apology and deal with the consequences.

I said many wrong things today. I hope the damage is not fatal. I hope I still have the chance to pick up the pieces and rebuild it.

Ideas that are dangerous.

Ideas are dangerous. Sometimes, so dangerous that you are not willing to keep it in your heart. They are dangerous because I see its potential to change the world. I happened to stumble upon one today.

I do not bother to sleep. Because I know I can't sleep.

When you have an idea that you believe can change the course of history.
When you have an idea that has potential to change the way politics are run and the way businesses are conducted.
When you have an idea that you think can change how humankind think.
When that idea sinks deeply into your head.

You just can't sleep.

It's too cold. We started a fire today at my home.

The young boy and the sea

Wondering what is my true nature is a subject that has been occupying my mind for quite a long while. Today, I have found something very interesting about myself: I have a strong affinity to the sea. Why? Probably because I believe I come from the sea. I mean this in the cultural rather than the evolutionary sense. My ancestral homeland is an island that faces the vast South China Sea. My hometown is a seaside town next to South China Sea. My grandparents traveled across the South China Sea to go to Malaysia. My grandmother nearly drowned in the sea. In fact, my feeling for it so strong that I am to be given the chance to decide how I am going to be buried, I will choose to have my ashes spread into the ocean.

The sea, with its vastness and indifference, never fails to remind me of my insignificance and the impermanence of my life. I will never get a response when I shout at it. I will never stop the waves from pounding the land. If the sea can talk, it is probably telling me "no matter what you do, you will never be as great as I am. I am permanent. You are nothing." That's why when I am troubled, the place that I always to be at is the sea. Because when you are in front of a thing of such great magnitude, all your troubles and concerns seem petty and worthless. Standing in front of it, all my worries evaporate within a short instant. When I first went to Singapore at the age of 12, I was terribly homesicked. My favorite place to go was always the Chinese High terrace, where I could look at the vast expanse of empty fields, because it reminded me of the sea.

Back to the reality, I drove to Stinton beach today. The drive and the seaview along the way was marvelous. I enjoyed myself thoroughly today. If anyone of you comes to visit, I will definitely bring you there.

Figuring out what to do

Having fun

Standing on top of a cliff, overlooking th pacific ocean

Reflections on a cold night

The temperature is 11.9 Celsius. I am very tempted to switch on the heater. But the unfortunate thing is that the heater in my house is centralized. I am given the choice of heating the whole house or heat nothing. It probably makes more sense to wear a few more layers.

I have settled down quite comfortably in Milpitas, California. It's a nice place to live in. Great weather. Great sunshine. I remember how it felt like when I first arrived. I was partly thrilled by the place because it was s something foreign and fazed by the place because I was not sure what to expect from it. I faintly recall the excitement that I felt when I found my apartment, when I got first car and when I got my first paycheck. In essence, it was the kind of things that you experience when you move into work life. I was fortunate to be able to experience them in advance.

But when the passion dies down and the monotoneity of working life sinks in, I can't help but to question myself what's the point of life. I have gained an awareness of the fact that I will be entering another phase of my life in probably two year's time. I know it will be like a rollercoster ride. Once it starts, it will be hard to get out. When I graduate, I'll most likely get a job, join the workforce and become a productive member of the society. After a short while, I'll probably get a car, financed by a car loan. With the car loan, I'll find a new motivation to work. A few years after , I'll probably purchase a house, financed by a house loan and form my own family. Then, I'll find more motivations to work. Soon after that, I'll have my children. More motivations. Soon after that, they'll need education. More motivations. Soon after that.... More motivations... Soon after that... More motivations.... until one day... death... or if I am lucky, retirement.... and then death. Here goes the life story of Mr Set Ying Ting. I know I am probably simplifying things here. I've heard people saying things about the joy of having kids, the joy of sharing your life with a partner, the satisfaction of becoming a homeowner, etc. I tend to think that a simple life is probably the most happy life. But I know there's something in me that strongly resists the temptation of such a life. A life without a meaningful cause? A life that is too typical? A life that fails to bring out the best in me? I can't really articulate the dissonance that is gently shaking the core of my soul. Not long ago, I declared to everyone in this blog that my life is a fire that burns. How boastful. How shameful. Now, my life seems more like a puddle of dead water than anything else.

At least, I am realizing that on a cold night like this. On a cold night like this, when my deepest and darkest feelings roar, when my soul's yearning for the salvation is stronger than ever, when my domesticated heart seeks to untame itself, when my suppressed mind revolts against its self-imposed chains, I feel I am inching closer to something. What's the thing? That's a very good question. Please make a guess.